


Moonshot

by harmfulmyths



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Depression, M/M, Twilight AU, Unfortunately Entirely Serious, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22058512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harmfulmyths/pseuds/harmfulmyths
Summary: About three things Leon was absolutely positive. First, Hagakure was a fucking vampire. Second, there was a part of him -- and Leon wasn't sure how strong that part might be -- that apparently thirsted for Leon, in all senses of the word. And third, Leon was irrevocably in love with this goddamn idiot.[or: the hagakureon twilight au my friends made me write]
Relationships: Hagakure Yasuhiro/Kuwata Leon
Comments: 24
Kudos: 67





	1. Genesis

**Author's Note:**

> For my dear friends M and V, without whose enthusiasm this story might still be unwritten.
> 
> [this was an in-joke that went too far]

Leon had never given that much thought as to how he might die -- at least, not the finer details thereof -- but if he had, he'd have placed Kanon squeezing him to death in the middle of a train station pretty low on the list. "You don't have to go," she said, her pretty voice trembling, and her arms somehow tightened even further around his stomach. It felt like he was being torn in two. He reached down and all but had to pry her off.

"I want to go," Leon said, his hands forming rings around her delicate wrists. The lie sounded almost convincing. He'd been lying a lot, lately. He'd been lying for a very long time.

He smoothed down her tousled hair, and looked up, and was stung once again by the sight of his aunt and uncle and his mom and her boyfriend. All these people that he loved and tolerated. How could he leave them behind? How could he -- could he _exile_ himself to stupid Kiiwatetsu, in the middle of stupid Touhoku, in the middle of goddamn nowhere? His stomach churned. This was the most selfish, bratty maneuver in his lifetime of selfish, bratty actions, and it wasn't even making him happy.

"I love you," Kanon said, her eyes dripping with tears, and a jolt ran through Leon. He nodded to her, and, hands sweating, walked over to his parents. He had to go, now, or he wouldn't be able to leave.

"Tell your father I said hi," his mom said, looking down at him impassively.

Leon's gaze flickered to her boyfriend. "Uh-huh."

The family traded a few more hugs, and then Leon got on the train, and then were gone.

It was a long, boring train ride; about 5 and a half hours, with him transferring lines in Tokyo. Leon watched the landscape roll by without him, blasting the Sex Pistols on his ratty 100-yen shop earbuds, and daydreamed about that pretty girl from the shop. Anything to distract him from thinking about seeing his dad -- things were uncomfortable between them.

But, he supposed, they couldn't be more uncomfortable than they were at home.

He turned up the volume on his phone another two notches.

By the time he arrived at the train station in Touhoku, his hearing was completely burned out. He almost missed his father calling out to him, waiting in a shiny cherry-red car, a product of the same midlife crisis as his parent's divorce and his father's move. Leon wanted to hate it, but he couldn't. It was a damn cool car, the kind you could absolutely pick up chicks in. He wondered if his dad had ever used it for that, and quickly decided not to wonder about that anymore.

His father walked up to him, and awkwardly wrapped one arm around him. "Hey, kid."

And suddenly, despite everything, Leon sagged forward into the hug, exhausted. "Hey, dad."

"Let's get you home," his dad said, and Leon's gut twisted and he wanted to cry, because home was 5 and a half hours away from here, and deep inside, he knew he could never go back. He stuffed it down, though, and took shotgun while his dad loaded Leon's luggage into the trunk.

His dad got into the driver's seat. "You look different."

"Uh-huh."

He backed out of the parking spot, and pulled onto the street. "How's my brother doing?"

Leon twisted the rings on his fingers. "Uncle Nakashima's fine. He says he can pull some strings, if I can get together a good EP or something."

"Hey, that's great!" Dad grinned, awkwardly, like he didn't really know how to talk with Leon. "I, uh, got you a car, by the way."

"...uhm, you know I can't drive, right?" Leon said.

They rode in silence for a bit. "You know, we all just want you to be happy," dad said, with just a tinge of upset to his voice. "I'll do my best to make you happy here." He sounded so determined, and Leon decided it wasn't worth the fight. Leon knew he wouldn't be happy in Kiiwatetsu -- he couldn't be happy in Kiiwatetsu. Stupid, stupid Kiiwatetsu was nothing like the cities Leon loved. He could just hope it would be slightly less miserable than Osaka was.

By the time they arrived at his dad's house, with a cheap old Toyota parked outside, out at the edge of town, it had started raining. Leon watched his dad struggle with the luggage, and let the rain seep through his jacket. This was a sign, he was sure of it.

As they entered the house, they took their shoes off, and their coats, and Leon basked in the warmth that came with being inside. From this entry alone, he could tell this was a pretty big house -- far too big for a man living on his own, without a wife or kids. Leon wondered if he was meant to help fill up the extra space in his father's life.

He glanced out the window, at the cars parked there, gleaming in the setting sun. His dad's, and next to it, what must have been his car, apparently. Leon didn't know much about cars, but it seemed alright. It was grey, and not too flashy. It would get him to the other towns in the area just fine, if he learned to drive. Leon liked the sound of that. He liked the freedom that came with running away to somewhere no one knew you.

His dad coughed. Leon turned, and pulled the curtains shut. "Is there anything you need right now?"

Leon shook his head. He took the rolling suitcase from his father, and wheeled it down the hall, until he found what was going to be his bedroom. The room was full of cheap, new Western-style furniture: a wardrobe, a desk and chair, and an already-made bed. He closed the door, and set about unpacking and setting his stuff in place.

Tomorrow, he'd be going to Hope's Peak Academy, the local high school. He'd chosen it over the local commerce school, because the commerce school had a baseball club and HPA didn't. More baseball was the last thing Leon wanted.

As he unrolled and tacked up his posters, Leon wondered what HPA would be like. It was a decently competitive school -- not as good as LL Academy, which he'd only gotten into through his sports, but probably slightly better than Leon could have tested into. That said, it was still a local school, out on the border between suburban and rural. The kid who went there all knew each other, and had probably known each other for years beforehand. Now, here was Leon, dropping in the middle of their second year, some idiot from Osaka with a few twinges of that funny Kansai accent.

And sure, he liked to stand out, but not for the wrong reasons. There was nothing he hated more than a stadium full of judgemental stares, just waiting for him to finally fuck up and prove he'd never belonged there.

He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, and started shelving his clothes in his wardrobe. He ran his fingers over the softness of his favorite t-shirt, the one he'd painted that skull pattern onto, and set it aside on his desk. He'd wear that one tomorrow -- he didn't have his uniform yet, not that he planned on ever actually wearing the HPA uniform. He'd seen pictures on the school site, a shapeless brown thing accented with red, and he hated it already. He'd take whatever punishment the school decided to throw at him, which was probably pretty cool of him, actually. A dude standing up for his rights -- chicks dug that, right?

Then again, chicks tended to dig him. Leon was always popular, and he got along well with nearly anyone, but somehow, he always felt distant. It was like there was a pane of glass separating him from the world, and no one could see through to all of him. They'd get along, and have fun, but on the inside Leon knew better than to say anything that really mattered. If he broke that glass, everyone would get cut on the shards, and he wouldn't even have this much left. He could point to his baseball team for evidence of that. Kanon was really the only person he'd ever actually connected to, and she--

He cut that train of thought off. He didn't want to think about Kanon.

He didn't want to think about home, and he didn't want to think about here. There wasn't anywhere or anything Leon could think about without hurting.

Leon woke up late the next morning -- he hadn't been able to sleep all night, tossing and turning while his heart beat out of his chest. He didn't grab the map of the area his dad had left out for him, and halfway through running to school, he realized he'd never picked up his lunch, either. Today was going to suck. At least he didn't live too far from the school, which was good. Back in middle school, he'd spent an hour on the train each day.

He made it to the school at 8:20, which was technically early, but he still had to talk to administration or some junk like that. He toed his shoes off at the entry, and realized he didn't know where his locker was. Scowling, he cradled them in one arm, backpack slung over the other. At this point, other students were starting to mill about, and he felt them looking at him, the new boy with the bright red hair and more piercings than any school would allow. He walked quickly, and it only took him a few minutes to find the headmaster's office. Leon knocked on the door, and then quietly stepped in.

It was dark inside the office, and the walls were lined from floor to ceiling with bookshelves, which made the already cramped office feel even smaller. It smelt musty in here, like the back of a library. Many of the books had tattered, well-loved spines, stamped with English letters. The man at the desk looked up, and gently smiled. His eyes were excited.

"Hey, I'm Kuwata. Kuwata Leon." Leon awkwardly tried to scratch the back of his head, before remembering that he was carrying his shoes in his hands. "I'm, uh, new here."

"Ah, that's wonderful!" the man at the desk said, and stood up. He seemed young, and soft-spoken. "I'm your new headmaster, Kirigiri Jin. It's wonderful to meet a talented young man such as yourself."

Kirigiri reached out, and Leon took his hand. It was uncomfortable. Leon didn't really get adults, even guys like the headmaster here, who seemed way too young for such a position. He didn't like the way they looked at him, when they knew who he was, and apparently Kirigiri knew. Leon wondered if he followed sports -- he didn't seem the type.

"Class is starting soon, so I'll take you down to your locker, and then to your homeroom, and you can sign a few forms after school," Kirigiri said. Briefly, he flipped through a small pile of papers on the desk, and handed them to Leon. He held open the classroom door for Leon. "You have slippers for today? Yes? Excellent. Hope's Peak Academy does have a uniform and dress code, though it's not particularly strict -- I think you'll appreciate that we do allow dyed hair. That said, we'll be talking to to your father about where to purchase a uniform shortly."

They walked the halls, and Leon tuned out Kirigiri's continual blather. If there was something important he was missing, he'd find out soon enough, when someone decided to yell at him about it. They stopped by the lockers, and Leon gladly deposited his outdoor shoes, switching them out for an indoors pair. Then it was backtracking through the school, towards the classrooms. Leon felt an overwhelming sense of exhaustion, and a growing dread that this mundanity would be the rest of his life. The walls seems to creep in on him.

Kirigiri dropped him off at his homeroom -- Class 78-A, apparently. He was late, so introductions were cut slightly short. Unfortunately, the only open seat was in the front row, so that's where he was placed. Fortunately, he was sitting next to the cutest girl he'd seen in this town yet. Her dark hair rolled down her back in beautiful waves, and he couldn't help but tune out the teacher and stare. She glanced at him, briefly, and tiny smile played across her lips.

When the class ended, she turned to him, and smiled. "Hello!" Her voice was high-pitched, but melodic. She stood up gracefully, and smoothed out her already impeccable skirt. "I'm Maizono Sayaka. It's nice to meet you!"

Leon grinned, and stood up, ruffling a hand through his hair. "Yo, I'm Kuwata Leon! Nice to meet you!"

God, she was cute. "Do you know what your next class is? It's a small school, but we do have to move classrooms."

"Uuhhh…." Leon flipped through the papers Kirigiri had given him, and was relieved to find a schedule mixed in with the other documents. "Japanese, apparently."

"Me too!" Maizono said, her eyes sparkling. "Let me show you the way!"

After that, it was a blur of classes. Leon hated it, but he knew better than to skip on his first day. None of his teachers would ever like him, but they'd give more slack to someone who at least appeared to be trying. And honestly, now that baseball wasn't eating up all his time, he might have the chance to actually sit down and do some schoolwork for real.

...or he could just turn in a bunch of the essays he'd written back at LL Academy. That would work, too.

After all, it was just an endless wave of garbage. Back at LL Academy, the coursework had all totally gone over his head -- he'd scraped by, with mostly 50s and 60s, but he'd never really understood anything that was going on. Here, it was the same stuff he hadn't understood the first time around, except now he had to listen to all of it again, already knowing that he didn't understand. It sucked, and he would up doodling skulls on the edge of his binder instead of taking notes. He could just look at his old ones, anyways.

By the time lunch finally rolled around, Leon was completely exhausted. It was raining again, so he decided to make his way back to his homeroom, even though he didn't have anything to eat. When he got there, Maizono was sitting in her seat, with a few friends clustered around her. They were chatting amicably. Leon recognized a boy wearing a green hoodie under his uniform, who was in a number of his classes. He waved at them, and joined their group at the front. Maizono smiled when he sat down next to her.

"Hello, Kuwata-kun!" she said, and he fumbled with his backpack, nearly dropping it to the ground. "How's your first day been so far?"

Well, it had been complete shit, but he wasn't about to say that to a cute girl who was paying attention to him. "Pretty good!" He forced an ear-splitting grin, thought it came out as more of a scowl. "Hey, who're your friends?"

Maizono quickly introduced everyone around her, though Leon lost track of the other students very quickly. The only two he could really remember were Naegi Makoto, the boy in the hoodie, and Enoshima Junko, a damn cute bleach-blonde gyaru whose bows reminded him of Kanon.

"Did you just move here, Kuwata-kun?" Naegi asked, his chopsticks scraping the bottom of his bento box. Leon's mouth watered.

"Yup, I got here last night," he said. "I'm living with my dad, like 15 minutes down the street."

"Ah, so you're in Kiiwatetsu!" Maizono said. She dropped a fried shrimp from her box into Naegi's. "Makoto-kun and I live one town over, and we take the bus."

"Kuwata-kun, what's Osaka like, anyway?" Enoshima grinned at him, broadly. "You're our new famous big-city boy, you gotta spill the deets. And… hey, haven't I heard your name around before?"

_ She knows _ . Kuwata's mouth ran dry. "My dad's lived here for two years," he said, and his words echoed like they were coming from behind aquarium glass. "I'm sure gossip gets around a town like this, right?"

"Sure does," Enoshima's teeth were bared, ands too white to be natural. He suddenly felt sick, a queasy illness rolling out from his stomach down through his limbs, turning his legs to jelly. He let Maizono and her friends drift back into their everyday, natural conversation, and decided not to butt back in. They didn't need him here. Everyone already had a place here, and he simply wasn't needed. Besides, he hated everyone and everything and especially himself.

At least he wasn't hungry anymore.

He let his gaze wander around the room. There were a few other students, sitting in small clusters, but none as big or with as many attractive people as Maizono's. He'd somehow, thankfully, managed to join the popular kids on the first day. There were a couple of sporty girls sitting near one window. A few guys that Leon instantly pegged as massive nerds, and immediately decided to avoid. And then, there in the back--

"Oh my god, who is he?"

Maizono stopped talking, and looked where Leon was pointing. "...oh."

In the back of the classroom was a boy with an absolutely ridiculous amount of dreads, framing his face like a halo. There were deep circles under his pitch-black eyes. In front of him, on his desk, sat a single untouched carrot. He was vacantly looking away from everything, like he was scared to meet anyone's gaze, and he kept a glass ball between his hands. Occasionally, he would squint a little, and click his fingernails against the surface of the ball, drumming out a pattern Leon couldn't hear.

"That's Hagakure-kun," Maizono said. "Hagakure Yasuhiro. He's in our grade -- in our homeroom, too."

Enoshima leaned across Maizono's "He's repeated second year three times," she hissed. "He… I think he just turned twenty? And he's still here at this stupid high school. Not to mention, his mom's so young, and smokes like crazy! I'm pretty sure he's, yanno..." Her face went slack, and she let her tongue droop down, rolling her eyes.

"Enoshima-san!" Maizono's eyes widened in horror, her hands flying up over her face. "T-that's beyond rude!"

A squabble broke out among the girls, and Leon checked out of the conversation again. He turned to watch Hagakure some more.

"...Hagakure-kun's not  _ that _ bad," Naegi said, quietly. "I mean, he's a bit abrasive, and I'd never trust him with money, and he can be a bit slow, but…." He trailed off. "Um. Well. His mom's nice? The two of them only moved here a few years ago, I don't know them well." 

So Leon wasn't the only new kid at this school. They had one thing in common, already. It burst like a firework in Leon's chest, and he couldn't help but feel… giddy, for the first time since coming here.

Leon stared at Hagakure. It felt like an escape from the world around him, to just stare at Hagakure's long, broad hands. He stared and stared and stared, and watched as the strange boy put away his crystal ball, pulled a pack of tarot card out of his bag, and promptly dropped them to the floor. The cards fluttered around him. Hagakure, panicked, started trying to snatch them out of mid-air, only to topple out of his chair, and loudly thump to the floor. Still, sitting on the floor, he determinedly tried to pick the cards up, his fingers slipping off their smooths backs. Once he'd scraped together about half the deck, he tried to sit up, only to whack his head on the table above. Immediately, he dropped all the cards, and cradled his head in his hands. He pouted, eyes filling with tears, and his soft whining filled the classroom.

He was the hottest dude Leon had ever seen.

"He's the hottest dude I've ever seen," Leon said, quietly, breathlessly. Every fiber of his being was filled with lust and desire. Leon wanted, in a way he'd simply never really wanted before, and his heart pounded like he was standing on the field of the Koshien, a thousand fans braying for blood in his ears.

"Are you okay…?" Naegi asked.

"Noooo…" Leon swooned -- he actually swooned. He hadn't even known he could swoon.

Maizono shifted in her seat. "Do you need to go to the nurse, Kuwata-kun? You're looking a little pale…."

He waved her off, and watched Hagakure get to his feet -- successfully, this time. His movements were jerky, but in an attractive way. But then again, anything Hagakure did would be attractive, Leon thought. He was simply inhumanly perfect in every conceivable way.

Hagakure walked into the classroom door on his way out, and stumbled back a few steps, and Leon felt sparks. How could someone stumble into a doorframe so perfectly? How was it humanly possible?

His mind kept twisting over Hagakure as he floated from one class to the next. Finally, after what felt like decades, he made his way to the last class of the day -- biology, for a natural science. Leon hated all the sciences, but biology was the most tolerable of the lot. It generally involved the least math.

He settled at the only empty lab table in the room, let the teacher hand him a stack of paper, and woozily watched his classmates cluster over worksheets. Leon tried to read over his, but the words kept wandering away from him. God, Leon was dying to go home already. His stomach kept churning, and he felt like he was going to vomit any minute now. He hated being at school, and he especially hated being at school here, now. All he wanted was to crawl off to bed and drift off for as long as he possibly could.

He was busy playing a game on his phone, under the desk, when perfect Hagakure Yasuhiro walked into the classroom 15 minutes late and sat down next to him.

"M’name is Yasuhiro Hagakure," he said, with a lazy wave. "Let’s take it easy, ‘right?"

Leon suddenly couldn't speak. He tapped the wrong gem his app, and watched half his puzzle blow up. Wordlessly, he nodded.

Hagakure grinned at him, suddenly. "I, uh, noticed you staring at me earlier, Kuwata-chi."

Leon mistapped a second gem, and was greeted with a blinking  _ Game Over _ . Shit. He'd noticed.

"Hey, hey, don't worry about it! It was probably the aliens," Hagakure said, and laughed, awkwardly. Leon laughed back, even more awkward. "You ever heard the Rhinogradentia order?"

Leon shook his head.

"Okay, so like, most people think they're totally fictional, and that this German guy made them up -- but they're wrong! They're in a number of actual science textbooks, for one -- no, check Wikipedia, right? Anyways, the dumb nose-rats are trying to take over the world. They're big into beef, which is why cows keep getting abducted for their experiments, right?"

"...what the fuck," Leon said.

"Hey, hey, chill out," Hagakure said, but he did not look like someone who was chilled out. He looked like he was about thirty seconds from total breakdown, his whole body shaking. He leaned on the desk, like he was desperately trying to get any sort of control over himself. "A-anyways, I think the rats have some sort of mind-control abilities. They know I'm onto them, so that's why they make people stare at me all the time. Living security cameras, right?"

It was like the hazy soap bubble of hope Leon had felt suddenly popped. 

"Anyways," Hagakure said. His coal-black eyes raked up and down Leon's body, and a sheen of sweat glistened on his face. "Nice to meet you! I wasn't expecting a new student at all this year. Well, I guess things can slip past even the number one clairvoyant in the country, right?" He laughed, louder and more awkward than before, and a few other students looked up and stared at them.

"Right," Leon said, weakly. His cheeks were burning with embarrassment. He tucked his phone into his pocket. "I guess things can slip past anyone."

"Yeah," Hagakure said, and pulled the worksheets over to him, leaning as far away from Leon as he could, sweating bullets. "Anyone can slip up."

The instant class ended, Hagakure ran out of the room. He then ran back into the room, grabbed his backpack, and ran back out again, without looking at Leon.

It was dark outside, because the rain had gotten heavier, so it was dark in the hallways too, with no natural light streaming through the windows. Maizono-kun and Naegi-kun waved goodbye to him on their way out, but he pretended not to see in the low light. He didn't have the energy for any of this anymore. He was endlessly wading through a swamp, waiting for it to suck him in.

When he arrived at Headmaster Kirigiri's office, someone was already in there.

"Look, I can't explain it, right?" Hagakure said, loudly, a begging whine in his voice. "I -- I just can't be in any classes with the new kid, okay?! Look, I -- Kirigiri-chi, pleeeease… I can't be around Kuwata-chi -- can we call my mom? I want to talk to my mom."

Leon turned, and ran.

He shoved his way past the other students, and crammed his feet into his outdoor shoes, hands fumbling with the locker. And then he ran as fast as he could, through the streets, a mix of hot tears and freezing rain flooding down his face. He didn't stop running until he got home and fumbled with the front lock of the door.

Toeing off his shoes, he made a beeline for his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He collapsed onto the bed, and curled up, hugging the pillow to his chest. This place didn't feel like home, yet, and that made him cry even harder, smearing mascara onto his pillow.

He cried himself out pretty quickly, but he couldn't stop his mind from rolling. He hated it here. He didn't belong here. No one wanted to be around him here, and he couldn't be around anyone at home. It was like he was cursed to be hated by everyone. He couldn't blame them. He hated himself, too.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he ignored it. Kanon, probably, asking how his first day of school had been. He didn't want to talk to her right now. He couldn't.

Leon rolled over and fell into sleep.


	2. Visions

_Leon stared across the field of the Koshien, his hands clasped tightly around the bat, and felt the hatred rolling off the faded, faceless crowd. It rolled around him, dark and choking, and his vision went blank with angry tears. He swung out blindly, and heard the resounding thwack of a perfect hit, felt it vibrate down his shoulders, but he couldn't hear a sound from the stadium._

_When he blinked his eyes clean, he was standing in the middle of the snow. He looked up at the pitcher, and looked straight into the deep, red eyes of a hunter. Her mouth curled into an unpleasant smile._

_He knew he should run, but some heartsick, suicidal instinct held him in place. He stared at the girl approaching him, her hair trailing behind her, and he suddenly wanted this, even though he hadn't a moment ago. What reason did he have to grieve the end, anyways? Why shouldn't he just give in?_

_The hunter's caress was almost loving, as she tipped Leon's head up. He shuddered as she licked at his Adam's apple, and he sunk to his knees, and heat pooled in the pit of his stomach, and then the hellish screech of his phone alarm began to ring out, completely killing the mood._

His eyes were stick together with gunk. It took Leon a moment to slowly open his eyes, blinking away sleep. His phone alarm was wailing like crazy, but he still had to work up the alertness to crawl out of bed and turn it off. He'd missed his first alarm, which he'd set far too early, but at least he was up now. He scrounged together breakfast in the kitchen -- there was a good amount of food there, and an uncomfortable number of Leon's favorites. His dad must have gone shopping specifically with him in mind.

Scarfing down a protein bar, Leon wondered if his dad remembered these details, even years later, or if he'd called his ex-wife to ask for specifics. He wasn't sure which would make him more uncomfortable.

The day that followed was somehow both worse and better.

He was crying less, for one. Leon hated crying. And it wasn't raining, which was nice, though the sides of the road were still sort of muddy from yesterday. He'd remembered to bring lunch, and he'd sat with Maizono and her friends again. He was starting to actually pick up on their names, too: Maizono and Naegi and Enoshima, of course, but there a pug-faced girl named Haneyama Ayaka, and a girl who looked a lot like Sayaka called Aoba Satomi, and a freckled girl named, of all things, Ikusaba Mukuro. Leon wasn't convinced that was her real name. No parent could be cruel enough to saddle their child with a name like that.

Getting to know them was alright, probably. Leon didn't really feel safe around them yet, or comfortable, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually felt safe and comfortable around people his age. At the very least, they seemed like a step up from his few acquaintances at LL Academy. Hanging out with them was pretty okay, and now that he knew them a bit, it was actually somewhat better than the previous day.

The part that was worse was that Hagakure didn't show up at all.

Leon couldn't help but wonder if it was his fault. Was he too creepy with the whole staring thing the day before? He couldn't help but worry about it, and it made him feel guilty every time he caught a glimpse of that empty seat out of the corner of his eye. Leon knew exactly how it felt to be watched too closely -- the terrifying discomfort of not knowing how to say no to someone too interested. He remembered when he'd been dating Nakamura-chan, and the whole time they were together, out on every date, he could feel Kanon's eyes on him. He'd had to break up with Nakamura-chan, because he hadn't been able to handle that. Just remembering it made him feel sick.

If anyone should have known better than to stare at a guy, it should have been Leon. He made up his mind to apologize to Hagakure the next day. He wasn't sure how much good it would do, but he would.

But Hagakure wasn't there the next day, or the day after that. On his fifth day at Hope's Peak Academy, Leon finally cracked and asked about Hagakure.

It was a dry but cool day, Maizono and her friends were sitting outside for lunch, and he was sitting with them. At this point, he was pretty sure that eating lunch with them would become a permanent thing. High schoolers were creatures of habit, Leon thought. Once they'd settled into a routine, they'd be stuck there, and they wouldn't actually make any real changes to their life -- not unless something major happened.

And a new guy sitting next to you in biology didn't count as a major life change.

Leon scraped together the last of his lunch, and set it aside. "So, uh, Hagakure Yasuhiro--" he started, and broke off, sudden nerves overcoming him as everyone stopped to look at him. Damn it.

"What about him?" Maizono asked, her pretty blue eyes trained right on his face. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. It gently fell back into place.

Leon curled his hands into fist, his fingernails biting into his flesh. Shit, shit, shit -- the whole group was paying attention. He couldn't screw this up in front of them -- he could do without being the lame friend for the rest of his life. "He, uh. He hasn't been in class for the past few days?"

In perfect sync, Naegi and Maizono turned to look at each other, and winced. _Real smooth, Kuwata_. Leon felt his mouth twitch into a nervous smile. He picked at the edge of his jacket -- he was wearing his own jacket, and not the stupid school uniform. "Just… concerned, I guess. We are classmates."

"Well… Hagakure-kun sometimes does disappear like this," Maizono said. "It's for medical reasons, apparently."

"What, did you think he was avoiding _you_?" Enoshima chirped, clicking her long nails against the case of her phone. "Did you think you were that special?"

Ikusaba frowned. "But Junko-chan, you told me last night that Hagakure-kun was totally avoiding Kuwata-kun…."

Enoshima screeched, and her hand slammed down on the bench, pointed acrylic nails clicking down. "You're so fuckin' _stupid_ , big sis!" Her face fell, suddenly, her whole body sadly sagging. "God, what did I do to get saddled with an imbecile like you? An idiot of the Grand Cordon of the Order of the Chrysanthemum? It's misery in motion…."

"J-Junko-chan?" Ikusaba sat at attention suddenly, a confused panic overtaking her face. "I-- that's what you told me to say--"

Enoshima burst out laughing, and all but fell off the bench. Wheezing, she stood back up, and lightly cuffed Ikusaba's shoulder. "What would I do without you, Big Sis?" She cocked her head to one side. Her eyes squinted in a crude mockery of concentration. "Why -- do imagine! Both our lives would be greatly improved, would they not? So basic, such a boring deduction."

Ikusaba kept gaping at the gyaru, even as Enoshima whipped around, her pigtails flapping behind her. Enoshima's eyes were blue, and had the same dullness to them that Leon's did, when he looked in the mirror. They had the cloudy, mired depression of a kid who hadn't faced a real challenge in years. But there was a cunning intelligence flickering in them as she stalked over to Leon.

"You seem really interested in Hagakure-kun," Enoshima simpered. She fluttered her eyelashes, and then her face suddenly fell. "What, do you want to replace your friends again? Even though I've barely had the chance to get to know you? Urgh… that's so despairing…."

God, Leon did not like Enoshima at all. He turned to Maizono instead, pointedly ignoring the blonde bobbing around in front of him. "Hey, Maizono, what are you doing this weekend?"

Maizono's face lit up. "Oh, the School Idol Club is going to be working on our routine for the school festival!" She closed her bento box with a sharp click. "That's fun, but it's pretty intense work, because we're learning some new choreography. Next weekend, though, Ayaka-chan and I are going to go dress shopping! It'll be a mix of gathering inspiration for the festival costumes, and personal shopping. It's been a while since we've been to the city, hasn't it, Ayaka-chan?"

Haneyama nodded, without looking up from her phone. Her fingers flew across the keys.

"That sounds nice," Leon said. "I used to go dress shopping with my cousin a lot, yanno? Uh, for her, not for me, of course. It was fun."

He could practically see the bells ring in Maizono's mind, and quickly stuffed more food into his mouth to help hide his smirk. Score. Chicks dug a dude who was exactly the right amount into girly stuff. "Well, maybe you'd like to come with us?"

Naegi looked up, his eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights.

"Sure," Leon said. "That sounds fun to me."

The conversation drifted away from him after that, and Leon let it flow past. He'd been going to Hope's Peak Academy for a week now, and at the very least, from the outside, he fit in with the popular kids. On the inside, it was a different story, Leon didn't really think that mattered. He'd never fit in on the inside, and he no longer held hope that that would ever change. Hoping for that just made his chest hurt.

The weekend felt like his dad was trying to squeeze in the past two missed years of fatherhood into two days. They went grocery shopping and finished furnishing Leon's room, and picked up Leon's new uniform, and his dad signed a few dozen more forms related to the transfer while Leon scribbled in a new sketchbook dad had bought for him while they were out. Art was the only subject Leon really enjoyed, but he had decided to slot in music instead this year. Music was cool. He sketched out logos for his future band until his dad called him to dinner.

Dinner was pretty plain, consisting of slightly singed fried rice. His dad had never been the cook, back when they'd been one family. Leon did his best to eat neatly, but he still managed to spill a bunch of rice onto the table. He hoped that at least he did it in a charming way. He hoped that his dad wouldn't make him clean up.

"Are you liking Hope's Peak?" his dad said.

Leon shrugged. "Yeah," he said, and he wasn't sure if it was a lie or not. The buzz from the busy day was starting to wear off, and a quiet was rolling back in over Leon. He tried to ignore it as he picked at his rice.

"Have you made any new friends?"

"I've been hanging out with this chick, her name's Maizono," Leon said. "Her and her friends. 's just me and the girls -- uh, and Naegi, too. He's a pretty good dude, I like him."

His dad raised an eyebrow at him. "Maizono, eh?"

He dropped his chopsticks to his plate with a clatter. "Jeez, it's not like that, dad!"

Well -- it wasn't like that, except for the part where it totally was. Maizono was, honestly, exactly Leon's type. And there was something thrilling every time he talked to her, this excited fluttering that someone would be nice to him, just for being him, without wanting anything else in return. It sent this delightful prickling down his back, and made him forget about all the bullshit going on. If he wasn't such a mess right now -- if thinking about girls that way didn't mean thinking about what Kanon had done -- if he could just change himself to be someone she'd like -- if all of that shit aligned, then maybe Leon might have dared to go for her.

But as it stood, there kind of was already someone haunting around the back of Leon's brain, and he was a one-person-at-a-time kind of guy. Some unreasonable part of his brain just wouldn't stop thinking about Hagakure Yasuhiro, and for the life of him, Leon couldn't figure out why. Everything he'd seen and heard suggested that the dude was stupid and petty and mean. Sure, Leon had pretty much always known he was bisexual, but he was way more attracted to girls. The few guys who'd actually caught his eye were nothing like Hagakure -- they were the same sweet, next-door neighbor types he liked in girls. And yet, somehow, he still couldn't stop obsessing over stupid fucking Hagakure.

Although, while he was still thinking about the guy -- "Do you know anything about the Hagakures, dad?" Leon asked, and fumbled with his chopsticks. God, he was bad at keeping his cool.

His dad paused. "Why do you ask?"

Leon shrugged, and tried not to let the screaming in his mind show on his face. "The son's in my class -- Hagakure Yasuhiro. He's been out of school for a few days."

Dad's forehead scrunched into wrinkled. Then he pushed his chair back, and sighed. "The Hagakures are pretty new -- they moved here only a year or so before I did, really. The two of them live out near the edge of town. Hagakure-san is a single mother, and very young, and of course, her son has… difficulties."

"Maizono said he had health issues," Leon said.

"I guess that's... one way of putting it, I suppose. There's definitely people in this town who aren't that kind, though. Hagakure-san puts up with a lot of garbage from people, and she doesn't deserve that. She's an excellent nurse, and contributes her fair share to the community. The way that people judge her is extremely unfair. She has as much of a right to be here as anyone else, and so does her son."

"I like Hagakure," Leon said. "He's--" _ungodly attractive_ "--likeable."

Dad smiled at him, softly, sadly. "You're a good kid, Leon."

The words haunted him for the rest of the night -- while he printed out an old essay for Japanese class, while he screwed around playing a few levels of Project Zombie, even while he was brushing his teeth, the bristles gently running over his gums. Leon lay awake in bed, the sheets twisted around his body, and those words twisted around his mind. Over and over -- _you're a good kid, Leon_. He listened to the rain drizzling on the roof. Even the rain here sounded different from the rain in the city, without the cacophonous symphony of cars mixed in. With how quiet it was, he could never get to sleep. And Leon loved sleeping.

But instead, he lay awake in bed, tracing out patterns on the ceiling. His eyes followed arcs in the textured drywall, like he was watching billowing clouds above him.

Sure, maybe Leon wasn't bad, per se. He wasn't a bully, and he didn't steal signs, and he'd never hurt Kanon, no matter how much she'd hurt him. But it wasn't like he was… anything, really. How, exactly, was he a good kid?

He felt like his head was stuffed full of cotton balls the next morning. He showered hot, and for too long, but even breathing in all the steam didn't fully loosen the tightness in his head. Walking to school had become pretty routine at this point, and he thankfully didn't have to think too hard about it. He just let his feet pull him along the path, dodging the massive puddles that had formed overnight.

School was becoming familiar at this point. Leon wasn't sure what to think about that. On the one hand, it was nice to have a solid routine going on -- his life had been so uprooted lately, even before he'd moved out to Kiiwatetsu. Things had just never settled down after that last Koshien. It was a relief, almost, for that to all be washed away by the mundanity of school. But, of course, on the other hand, school was still school, and school as a rule was just plain uncool. And here, Leon hadn't bothered to join any clubs or -- god forbid -- sports teams. Most of his friends were in clubs, but Leon just couldn't bring himself to sign up for anything. Free time was a luxury he really wanted to revel in, and he snatched at any scrap he could get -- like the chance to hang out with Naegi and Maizono for a few minutes before class.

But the moment he entered 78-A's homeroom, a chill overcame him. Unmistakably, in the back row, he could see Hagakure's distinct hairstyle.

Immediately, he turned around, and walked back out of the room with a collected grace -- but the instant he was out of sight, he started dashing away, with all the speed of a baseball player who could have gone pro if he hadn't fucked it up, and ran into the bathroom, panting hard. It wasn't that he was winded -- it was that seeing Hagakure suddenly felt like being socked in the gut with the reminder that this wasn't home, he could never go home, and that he'd totally fuck things up here, too. That no matter what anyone said, he wasn't good.

He could feel himself sweating, through his light-headedness. His vision blurred. His chest hurt -- it physically hurt, a sharp pain radiating out and into his lungs. He could barely catch his breath. Leon's legs suddenly felt weak, like they'd give out at any moment, so he let himself sink down to the cool, grimy tile floor. Thinking about getting all that gross dirt all over his pants set off another round of pained painting. Shit, shit, he was probably getting sick on top of everything else, wasn't he?

A few minutes later, Leon's eyesight started blotching back into view. After a few blinks, he came back to himself, huddled on the floor, chilled with a cold sweat. He stumbled to his feet, grateful no one else was around to see. The water from the sink was icy, and he splashed a handful on his face, careful to dry his goatee with some extra paper towels.

God, what an overreaction. His time at Kiiwatetsu wouldn't be like his time at home -- he'd damn well make sure of that. And apologizing to Hagakure wouldn't take that long. Guys were easier to apologize to then girls, and most girls were easier to apologize to then Kanon. Worst came to worst, it still had to be better here than at home.

It had to be.

Leon skipped homeroom, and hung out in the bathroom until Japanese class. Maizono shot him a few worried looks that period, but he ignored her. Lunch was quiet, and in their homeroom. Hagakure wasn't there. His friends tried to talk to him, but he brushed them off, claiming he'd had a poor night's sleep, which was technically true. His classes raced by, far too quickly, and before he knew it, it was time for biology.

This time, Leon peeked into the classroom before he entered -- Hagakure was sitting at their table, playing with his crystal ball again. Shit.

Leon took a deep breath, walked across the room, and sat down next to Hagakure. Hagakure startled for a second, and nearly let the crystal ball slip from his hands, but he settled back down within a couple seconds. He smiled at Leon with obvious excitement, like he couldn't believe someone would actually sit with him a second time. "Hi, Kuwata-chi!"

"Hey, uh," Leon said. His mouth ran uncomfortably dry. With what he'd heard at Kirigiri's office -- there was no way that was real excitement, right? "Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about, like, staring at you during lunch the day we met. I feel really bad about it, I guess? Like, I know how shitty it feels to be watched without permission -- um, well…." Leon trailed off. Part of him wanted to blurt out everything: Kanon, the divorce, his team, the sign-stealing, the move here. Part of him knew that was a terrible idea, especially right now, in the middle of an apology."

"...hey, hey, dude, I, uh -- I didn't mind, okay?" Hagakure said, wrinkling his nose up. "Don't think that you messed up. Didn't we talk about this last week?"

Leon shrugged. "Think the Rhinogradentia might have erased my memory of that whole day."

Hagakure laughed. "Lot of bullshit in the stars that day, 'right?"

"Totally," Leon groaned. He leaned his head against the desk. "That day sucked ass." Talking with Hagakure, he could almost forget how much of that major suckage was, in fact, Hagakure-related. Instead, it was like a massive weight was being lifted, ever-so-slightly, off his shoulders.

"Oh, also -- I'm, uh, also sorry about the other day," Hagakure said, somewhat stiffly, like he'd rehearsed it. His lidded eyes were a pale gold, nothing like the black that had seared into Leon's memory. "Didn't have lunch that day, and I was feeling sick as hell. I think I was kinda weird to you too, or... something. Let's just start over, 'right? You and me, just classmates, meeting for the first time." He stuck his hand out, palm up.

Leon stared down at Hagakure's hand, and felt a nervousness overcome him. Shit. He actually liked Hagakure, and now, not just for his appearance. It was too much, and he wanted to run. But he also wanted to pass biology.

After all, Leon had been doing all their group biology work on his own -- apparently the reason a spot was open at Hagakure's table was because no one had wanted the resident dumbass to drag their grade down. But honestly, Leon's grades were pretty shit to begin with, and he could use an extra pair of hands in the lab. Seriously, what could the harm be in having Hagakure hold a beaker or two for him? It had to be better than juggling everything on his own.

So Leon shrugged. "Eh, why not?" he said, and took Hagakure's hand in his. They shook on it.

"So, uh," Hagakure says. "Nice to meet you, Kuwata-chi! I've been out, do you know what's going on in this class?"

"No," Leon admitted.

Hagakure sucked air in through his teeth. "Well, we're fucking screwed."

By the end of the period, Leon had to disagree -- screwed was too polite a term. They were goddamn fucked, sweating over a punnet square that seemed like more of a rectangle. Leon's blue was recessive but his two brown-eyed parents could have a blue kid, which he understood and had to explain to Hagakure, but then green came in and mixed in some hazel bullshit that made zero sense, and eventually they gave up and turned in a half-finished worksheet Leon had covered in doodles of eyes. They were the last to finish, and Leon placed theirs on the pile with great trepidation. Everyone else's work looked a lot cleaner, and more complete.

As they walked out into the hallway, Leon couldn't stop ruminating over eyes of every shade and hue. He knew what it felt like, hundreds and thousands of eyes all staring at him. He felt their phantom gaze drilling holes through him, and shuddered. He looked up, and Hagakure's golden-brown eyes were looking at him, not with lust or disgust, but with an odd, glimmering softness.

Wait -- gold? But hadn't Hagakure's eyes been black last week?

"Did your eyes change color?" Leon asked, and immediately cringed. That was a stupid question.

Hagakure jerked back, raising his hand to his face. "What? No, that's totally wrong, dude!" He laughed, awkwardly. Leon wondered if they'd ever have a conversation without one of them breaking down in awkward laughter. "See, uh, I'm 100% human for the foreseeable future, right? And human's eyes can't change color. Vampires -- their eyes can change color, and like, some reports say that maybe the Bigfoot clans can do that too -- but I'm DEFINITELY not a vampire! Don't you dare go around spreading such slander and libel, capiche?!"

Leon open and closed his mouth. Hagakure was not only inhumanly beautiful -- he was also inhumanly stupid. Where did any of this vampire shit come from? "Whatever," he mumbled, and turned away. It's not like he liked Hagakure or anything, anyways. They were just classmates, and biology lab partners. It didn't have to mean anything more than that.

...oh, who was he kidding. Some stupid, stupid part of Leon couldn't help but like the guy. He could just hope he wasn't actually blushing, with how hot his face was.

They split up there, Hagakure walking away very quickly, and Leon left for his shoe locker, hoping to skip out on as much of cleaning the school as he could. There were a bunch of other students milling about, but he slipped his platform shoes on and quietly walked out the school gates. Something about school was exhausting, even on a pretty normal day.

And it was, overall, a normal day at school. Better than normal. It was like things were actually looking up for Leon -- he almost didn't remember what that felt like. He breathed in deeply, tipping his head to the sky. It wasn't exactly humid, but it did smell like rain, and the sky was rolling with light grey clouds. It'd probably be raining tonight.

Looking back down to earth, he saw Hagakure across the street. Hagakure turned around, and waved at Leon, his movements jerky. Despite himself, Leon smiled. He was glad things seemed mostly alright between them. Hagakure seemed like he could be a decent bro -- Leon hadn't had a close guy friend since Kenta and Daiki back in middle school, back before he'd gotten his first offer for a professional baseball contract. Back before all of his baseball friends had gotten jealous, and before people drifted away from him for standing out too much, and before he realized that no matter what he did, he wouldn't be able to pull himself back into the brotherhood of the team, not ever again.

Leon waved back.

Hagakure beamed, brighter than Leon could have ever expected. He almost seemed to glow from the inside. He waved even harder, his hands moving faster then seemed physically possible, forming a joyous blur in the air.

It was sweet, really. Leon grinned, and reached up to ruffle the back of his hair. He couldn't help it -- despite everything, he just liked Hagakure. They clicked, somehow, and if Leon could get over his stupid crush and not mess things up with romance….

Well, maybe Leon might actually have a real friend here.

There were a bunch of puddles from last night's rain on his side of the street. They were gross, and large, and a pain to dodge around in his clean white shoes. On impulse, he decided to cross over to Hagakure, running quickly into the street.

And that's when the truck hit Leon.


	3. Derealization

This is how it happened:

Leon laid curled up on the side of the street, in the mud and dirt, and he couldn't stop shaking. He couldn't see jackshit. Everything was blurred out, unfocused. Someone was screaming, furiously, and a car door slammed, and Hagakure's broad hands were clenched too tightly around his shoulders.

This is how it happened:

Leon was in the middle of the street -- Hagakure was on the opposite side -- he first heard the car to his left, and froze -- and then he was flying through the air, and tumbled head-over-heels, slamming against the concrete, and as his vision whited out, someone's hands were on his shoulders, making sure he was okay.

This is how it happened:

Leon was in the middle of the street -- he looked up into Hagakure's eyes -- he saw the car in his peripheral vision first, maybe -- the car was charging at him, and he tensed to run -- and then something slammed into him before the car did, and Leon scraped his whole side against the concrete, and he looked up, and Hagakure's hands were on his shoulders.

This is how it happened:

Leon was not hit by the car -- the more he thought about it, the more certain he was. He saw the front of that damn car, while he was getting loaded into the ambulance. It was wrecked, probably in worse condition than Leon was. He was certain, the more he thought about it, that there were handprints on the front of the car. He was sure those were handprints.

Leon couldn't really remember anything after that. There was something too real, too sharp, too memorable about it. It was like some sort of cartoon with foreground and background equally in focus. Even as it was happening, Leon could feel time slipping away. With everything present, there was no way to cling onto any sort of detail, to keep anything in particular. In a cold, terrified sweat, everything around him all blurred together with the vagueness of a dream. He couldn't feel anymore.

He was only in the hospital for a few hours before they sent him home, which seemed kind of unbelievable, but Leon didn't want to protest and stay longer. There wasn't anything physically wrong with him, apparently. His left side had taken the brunt of the impact against the road, and was all scraped up, but other than that-- nothing. It was a miracle, like he hadn't been hit by a car at all. He just had to rest, and take it easy for a while. Nothing strenuous or dangerous, no further falls or spills. A young nurse who reeked of cigarette smoke mumbled the facts of the situation to him as she took a cotton swab to his wounds. It didn't even hurt that badly yet. There was just a dull, aching pain that she warned could flare up in the next few days. Leon was fine.

But the fear and shock hadn't really worn off yet, and he'd almost panicked when his dad had ushered him into the car. He'd stomped it out, though, slid into the passenger seat, and was left with a peculiar nausea that flowed through him in waves. The whole ride home, he'd had to tightly wrap his arms around himself. He'd flinched at every car that had passed them. Nothing was real anymore, nothing but the headlights staring down dark streets. There was something about their vicious lights that struck him as predatory. It reminded him of cats at night, with eyes that flashed as they slunk through back alleys.

The car spluttered to a stop in their driveway, and Leon was aware of his heart racing. He wasn't feeling it, not really. It was more like a detached observation, that he really should be feeling it, considering it was happening. But he didn't feel the heartbeats, he just… knew they were there. Like being on the baseball field, aware of but not processing the cheering crowds. Like that, but for his own body.

The edge of the car door under his fingers -- the sounds of the TV from the other room -- the weight of his cellphone in his hands. Nothing was fully absorbed. He could feel it specifically not happening, while knowing it was. He couldn't remember how he got into the house. He just was there, suddenly, phasing through various rooms before he wound up lying on his bed, staring up at the poster of Jimmy Decay he'd taped to the ceiling. He stared up, and Jimmy stared back down.

Fucking Jimmy Decay, busy judging him. Judging him for being a stupid idiot, jumping into the street like that. Who was Jimmy to goddamn judge him, huh? Jimmy was a fucking poster. That's right -- a stupid poster, who couldn't fuck up. A poster couldn't look left and right before it crossed the street, or hit a pop fly, or anything. All a poster could do was get stared at, and judged, and suddenly Jimmy looked so sad. Leon felt bad for the poor poster. It was an object and it couldn't do anything about being stared at.

With what little energy he had left, Leon got to his feet. The bedsprings creaked underneath him. He swayed with exhaustion as he reached up, and his left arm twinged as he raised it over his head. His fingers scrambled at the glossy edges of the poster. He couldn't get the tape to give way, so he rolled up onto his tiptoes. He caught hold of the paper, and pulled it down, as he collapsed back to a sitting position.

The poster fluttered to the floor, with Jimmy facing the ground. The backside was one of those shitty magazine foldouts, the kind with weird little quote blurbs and the kind of romance quiz that Leon would never admit to filling out. One corner of the poster had ripped off, and aimlessly waved down from the ceiling. Leon was too tired to bother cleaning up anymore, or to turn off the lights. He just curled up where he was on the bed, and let his eyelids slip closed.

Leon woke up way too early the next day, coated in sweat. His vision was blurry, until he blinked the sleep from his eyes. Everything still felt vaguely unreal. He was still too aware of everything around him, almost, like he couldn't filter things out any more. Like everything existed, suddenly, swaying around him. The soft grain of his sheets -- the way his posters still curled up at the edges -- an odd shadow dashing away outside his window -- his uniform, still wrapped in plastic, hanging from the back of his desk chair and gently swaying in the breeze. There was just too much to process, and none of it actually felt real, and he screwed his eyes shut and tried to go back to sleep.

When that didn't work, he gave in and scooped his phone up, and started scrolling through random apps. Half a dozen messages from Kanon on LINE -- he swept the notification away, and opened and closed three or four games without actually playing them. He'd had to delete most of his social media accounts after what had happened back at the Koshien, and although he'd never really had any close friends on any of those sites, he definitely missed scrolling through his feeds. He missed shitty concert footage and crappy memes and flirting with cute girls online. It'd been a nice constant drip of distraction from the shit that was going on in his life, before said shit had become national news and tanked his baseball career before it even actually started.

Tears dribbled down his face before he realized he was crying. He wiped his face in the crook of his arm. When he pulled back, a clear string of snot tautly trailed from his elbow to his face. It vibrated with every breath he took. The snot slowly arced downwards, and then the strand snapped. Half of it swung over Leon's face, clinging to his lips, and smearing into his goatee. With a half-sob, Leon dropped his phone on his bed, and tried to scrub the snot from his face. He hated crying. He hated crying so much.

At some point he must have cried himself back to sleep, because when he woke up again he hurt all over. It was like suddenly his whole body was screaming at him, like it had finally caught up to nearly being hit by a car. Stiffly, he reached down to pick up his phone from where it had fallen onto the slightly crumpled Jimmy Decay poster. The lockscreen claimed it was five in the evening. There was a voicemail from Kanon. His mother still hadn't bothered to call him. Leon tried not to think about that, but a bitterness rose up in his chest regardless.

He could hear muffled noises -- his dad was watching TV. Leon got up, careful not to step on the Jimmy Decay poster. He delicately walked down to the couch where his dad was sitting, and, after a moment of hesitation, sat down next to him. The house was silent, except for the girls squealing on some particularly bad reality TV show. Leon let his head drop to the side, onto his father's shoulder. After a few minutes, his father wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Leon closed his eyes, and tried to breathe. Ghostly visions of cars drifted across eigengrau.

When Leon woke up, sunlight was streaming in through the window. Outside, there were birds singing, like nothing had happened. Pettily, he wanted bad things to happen to the birds. Leon was not a very good person.

He sat up, his head spinning from the movement, and tried to blink the bleariness from his eyes, squinting at his vaguely unfamiliar surroundings. Oh -- he must have fallen asleep in the living room, on the couch. His back ached, and so did his left arm. Carefully, he stretched out, and winced. The scabs down his side threatened to leak, and he curled back up.

"I called you in sick for tomorrow," his dad said, gently, and slipped the eggs onto a plate. "I thought it would be good for you to have at least a day or two off before you go back to school."

"Cool," Leon said, and tried to ignore the anger that was sparking up for no reason. It wasn't too hard to do. He was used to stomping shit like that out. Used to choking things back.

"I think it would be best for you to go back to school as soon as you can," his dad said. He slipped into the seat opposite Leon, and intently stared across the table at him. "I guess that the problem there is figuring out when you can."

The eggs were slightly overcooked, and they had a strong smell to them, but Leon scarfed them down regardless. They tasted like ash in his mouth, and he swallowed without chewing. "Sure." He didn't want to go back to school. He couldn't imagine seeing his friends after this -- he didn't want to imagine what they would say. Leon speared a piece of egg with the tip of his chopsticks, and they clicked against the plate. "Sure, I guess." His dad didn't stop staring. With his free hand, Leon reached up and scratched the back of his head.

"Leon--"

"Look, I didn't jump or anything stupid like that, dad," Leon said, angrily. He dropped his chopsticks onto his plate, and let them clatter. "You know that, right?!"

His dad blinked, face slack.

"It was -- accidents happen, okay?!"

"Jesus Christ," his dad muttered, dropping his head into his hands. "Leon, that's not what I'm -- that wasn't what I was trying to say.”

"Really?!" he snarled. "Do you-- you expect me to believe that?! Like, I get it, just -- fuck you, okay?"

" _ Leon! _ "

He jumped to his feet, the chair clattering to the floor behind him. He felt sick. He felt sick, sick, sick -- and why the fuck hadn't the hospital kept him, when he'd been hit by a fucking car? He hurt, from the scrapes on his arms from when he'd landed to the bruises on his back where he'd been hit. He hurt, he hurt so much. He was going to die, or be disabled, lose his arm, live with chronic pain from the mangled, hideous remains.

He couldn't breathe. 

" _ What do you think you're doing?! _ "

Leon turned, and ran back into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He didn't -- fuck. Fuck! Why the hell was his life like this? The scrapes on his arms hurt so much. He was probably supposed to disinfect them or whatever, but he didn't want to. Besides, he couldn’t. He couldn't go back out there with his dad judging him. The bastard -- fucking bastard had left him with mom for years! Didn't care about him then, didn't care about him now. He was choking on the air in his own damn lungs, and it was twisting everything into crystalline focus. He just -- no! 

He dropped to the floor, dizzy. His chest tensed as he dry heaved, and he crouched on all fours. He gagged, mouth open. Streams of drool ran out of his mouth, and puddled around his hands. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. Even without actually vomiting, his breath still carried the bitter taste of stomach acid. Everything hurt, like he'd been hit by a car. Which -- holy shit, he’d been hit by a car going at least 100 kilometers per hour, and physically, he was  _ fine _ . That was messed up.

It just didn’t make sense. He lifted his hands up, and stared at the handprints left behind on the floor. A negative void in his own bodily fluid. Handprints were an absence where a hand had just been. Flexing his fingers, he thought of the markings on the front of the car that supposedly hit him. The hands that made those would have been broader and longer than his own. Stronger, too, to stop a car in its tracks.

...no, that was insane. Completely batshit. Leon had been hit by a car, and that had shaken him up. He needed to snap out of it and move the fuck on. With a sigh, he reached up to run his hands through his hair. A moment later, he froze. The backs of his hands were still covered in drool.

By the time Leon had finished washing all of the gunk out of his hair, his dad had left for work. That was fine. Leon didn’t want to see him, anyways. Shitty as it was, at the very least getting hit by a car meant Leon had a day to just do whatever the hell he wanted to. He flicked on the TV, and stopped for a minute on a sports channel. It was rerunning some old Giants game -- Kuwata Masumi at bat. 1987 Sawamura Award winner, 1994 Most Valuable Player in the NPB. Kuwata was a brilliant player, one of the ones he always got compared to. He was the next rising Kuwata Matsumi, the next Matsui Kazuo, the next who-the-fuck-even-cared-about-baseball? Not Leon.

He clicked the remote, and the screen faded to black. Whatever. He’d find something else to do.

He checked his phone, but his mom still hadn't called. Kanon had, twice, but it had gone to voicemail both times. He considered calling her back, but didn’t. He loved her, he really did, but he didn't have the energy to talk to her. He didn't have the energy to talk to anyone.

Phone games were bullshit, so he dug out his Funplane and ground for a few hours in Project Zombie. He liked the game, even though the levelling in it was way out of whack. On his current run, he was playing as a sexy vampire lady with tits as big as the customization sliders would let him go. Her boobs kept breaking the animations, which he found way funnier than it should have been. Leon liked to think he was a pretty normal dude.

Nothing changed over the next few days. His dad went to work. Leon stayed home, looping from his bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen to the couch, to watch baseball on TV until the loss physically hurt in his chest or a car commercial came on. Then he’d retreat back to his room, to play video games either until he passed out. He actually max-levelled his vampire character, and unlocked a couple new relationship sidequests with various members of her undead harem. He played until his thumbs hurt from holding the Funplane, and then he’d give in to hunger and finish off whatever cup ramen he’d let go cold around lunchtime before crashing into bed. Oh, yeah -- all he was eating was cup ramen and frozen meals. He couldn’t cook much else, and he was avoiding his dad, so he wasn’t exactly getting fed right now. He was getting very, very tired of ramen.

Basically, it turned out that even when you took away everything he hated about it, Leon’s life still goddamn sucked ass. He tried not to think about that too hard. He tried not to think.

He’d lost track of time passing pretty quickly, without the structure of other people or… well, actually doing things. So he didn’t actually know what day it was when, during his daily dose of watching baseball and feeling like crap about himself, someone knocked at the door.

At first, Leon tried to ignore it. He didn’t want to see anyone, and, more importantly, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this. He reached out for the remote, and knocked the volume up another few notches. The sounds of the baseball field rang out. But the knocking didn’t stop. When they cut to commercial, Leon flicked the TV off, and got to his feet.

He ripped the door open.

Hagakure stood on the doorstep, backpack slung over his shoulders, a ceramic dish cradled in his arms. “Hi!”

“Hey,” Leon said.

"We are currently failing biology," Hagakure said, and shifted from side to side. The dish in his hands clattered slightly. "And I, uh, I really can't do this next packet alone. And it's some ridiculous percentage of our grade, and I'd really, really like to not get held back this year, right?"

"I'm really not up for homework," Leon said. “I got hit by a car.”

"Also," Hagakure said, completely ignoring him, "I have this casserole. My mom, uh, made it for you." He lifted it up.

Seriously, who just -- who invited themselves over to a classmate’s house? It was unheard of. It was improper, uncultured. It was kind of punk rock, actually, if he stretched the definition of punk rock a little. Leon leaned against the doorframe. "So what's in it?"

"No idea?" Hagakure shrugged. "I don't eat food."

A little black bird landed on the fence next door, and ruffled its beak through its feathers. It cawed. Leon watched it with trepidation. God, why did everything bad have to happen to him? He was probably cursed or whatever. The bird was probably an omen or something stupid like that. He stuck his tongue out at it.

"I guess it probably has casseroles in it. Hey, I  _ can _ come in, right?"

"You won't leave until I agree, huh?"

"Nope!"

"...yeah, sure, come right on in," Leon sighed. He stepped aside, and Hagakure swept past, swiftly stepping out of his shoes. Leon closed the door behind him, and it shut with a firm click.

Leon hadn't really bothered to care too much about the way the house looked until now. It was fine enough -- he had his own room to fuck around with as much as he wanted to. But now, with Hagakure quietly hovering over his shoulder, it really struck him just how empty the place was. There weren't any knickknacks or treasures cluttering surfaces. The furniture wasn't anything special, and didn't even look broken in, aside from that one spot his dad liked on the couch in front of the TV. The only signs that people lived here were the dishes in the sink and a framed copy of the first newspaper article Leon had been featured in, with a group picture from that mentorship program in Little League. His parents had clung onto his talent from the very beginning.

"I like your kitchen!" Hagakure said, and put the casserole dish on the table with a clatter.

Leon snorted. He folded his arms over his chest. "'s not my kitchen."

Hagakure furrowed his brow. "But… I thought you lived here?'

"It's my dad's kitchen," Leon said, "not mine."

"Oh." Hagakure's fingers trailed over the glass lid of the casserole dish. "Is there a difference?"

"Don't be stupid."

Hagakure jerked together, his nostrils flaring. "Hey!" he snapped. "I'm not stupid."

Leon rolled his eyes, and reached up to scratch the back of his head.

"I'm not," Hagakure said. He set the casserole down on the counter a little too firmly, and the lid clattered. “I’m not stupid. Where are we studying?”

“Uh.” Leon wasn’t really sure. He didn’t really want to be in the kitchen or living room, in case his dad came home early today. He wasn’t sure, but he thought it might have been Friday. But the only other real place for them to work would be-- “My bedroom, I guess?” He regretted it immediately. It was an immodest proposal, too close for two guys who’d known each other for a couple of weeks at the most. And especially awkward when one of the two guys had a thinly-veiled crush on the other.

But Hagakure beamed at him, so he couldn’t exactly take it back. He led him into his bedroom, and he immediately regretted his decision even more. The place was a fucking pit. He hadn’t made his bed in days. His desk was covered in empty ramen cups. The stupid Jimmy Decay poster was still lying on the floor, a little worse for wear after days of being stepped on. Everything reeked of teen boy. Oh god -- he’d never bothered to wipe up the drool from the floor, either. It had all dried up, of course, but he was uncomfortably aware of the fact that he hadn’t bothered to clean it up.

“Give me a sec,” he grumbled, and scooped up all the ramen cups he could fit into his arms. After a moment’s hesitation, he picked up the Jimmy Decay poster, too. It was damaged beyond repair. He dumped the whole lot into the wastebasket next to the desk. “‘kay, come in.” Hagakure slipped into the room, and made himself comfortable at Leon’s desk chair. He pulled a large but mostly empty binder from his backpack, and tossed it onto the desk, before flipping it open. Leon tugged his bedsheets into some semblance of order, and then sat down on the edge of the bed. “You gonna catch me up on this project?”

Hagakure spun around in the chair, and looked intently at Leon. His golden eyes ran up and down his whole body. 

Eyes all over him. Leon shifted, curled his lips. “What?!”

"I, uh, think I should try to be honest with you," Hagakure said, quietly. His gaze dropped to the floor. "I looked you up online a couple days ago, dude. While you were out."

Leon's mouth ran dry. "Oh," he said. There was a lump in his throat, and it hurt to speak.

"I just… I'm sorry, Enoshima-chii said I should," Hagakure said. "Like… I swear, I stopped reading quick, but, like…. I dunno."

"You-- know?" Leon said. "About the sign-stealing?" 

"Yeah," Hagakure said. "Dude, there's a whole Wikipedia page for this shit?" There was this vaguely dazed confusion in his voice, like he couldn’t put the biggest mess in Japanese baseball since the Black Mist Scandal together with the boy standing in front of him.

Leon let out a small sigh, his stomach churning with tension. "Yeah, that sounds about right," he muttered through clenched teeth. And then, a little louder, as a certain righteous anger continued to swirl around inside him: "Like, fuck, who cares enough about high school baseball to slap that shit online forever?!"

"What, um," Hagakure said. "I—"

"Do you not understand?" He could barely hear himself over the rush of blood in his ears. "This sign-stealing shit is the damn start of all the stupid unnecessary crap I've had to fucking deal with this past year! I don't want to think about it -- I moved across the damn country to get away from this! And then  _ you've _ just got to go poking around like some stupid, stupid,  _ stupid _ \-- like--" He slammed a fist against the wall, hard enough that it stung, and Hagakure flinched back. " _ Fuck _ you," Leon snapped, and then recoiled. "I mean...  _ shit _ ."

Hagakure's expression was nearly impenetrable. There was something unusual about the way he emoted. He was an open book, but one written in a language Leon had never learned to read. But he didn't need to read anything to realize he'd fucked up. Again.

"I'm sorry," Leon said, and his voice sounded weak and pathetic even to his own ears. "I just -- I almost died. With the-- the car thing."

Hagakure shifted uncomfortably. "I…. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, dude."

"I'm so-- empty." Leon clenched and unclenched his fists, watching the veins and tendons shift about. "The anger… it's the only thing I can actually feel right now, yanno?"

Hagakure nodded, slowly. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not even human," he said. "Like I don't deserve to have feelings. Is that--"

"Eh, close enough." Leon flopped back on the bed, exhausted. After this latest outburst, he'd started to feel the familiar pull in his chest again, which was for once a relief. He was used to putting up with that, at least. And anything was better than the numbness of the past few days. Despair was better than feeling nothing.

"...tell you what," Hagakure said. "Like, if you wanna talk about it -- eh, I can tell you something about me in return, sounds good, right?"

"Well, I  _ don't _ want to talk about it," Leon said hotly. He stared up at the stupid corner of the Jimmy Decay poster that was still stuck to the cieling.

“Okay,” Hagakure said, and brushed a finger over his lips. He quietly spread out the biology papers on Leon’s desk. “Okay, so the teacher went over the requirements--”

"So, look, I didn't do anything," Leon said. "Look, you read the Wikipedia article. There were a bunch of the guys on the team, and they were stealing signs from the other teams at the Koshien. Like, I never attended practice, so I… I swear, I had no fuckin' idea.”

Hagakure looked blankly at him.

“...fine, maybe I did,” he said. “Like -- I didn’t know for sure, or anything. None of the guys in there actually liked me, so I wasn’t in the loop or anything, but I guess… I guess I suspected, deep down, maybe. Some of the other guys were just… too good, I guess. 

“When the news broke, they had to strip our team of two straight years of Koshien wins -- a bunch of teams that were scouting me retracted their offers. A whole bunch of people were expelled, but I wasn’t, because I wasn’t involved. But I was, like, the team’s ace, so the media flipped out about that and started looking into me hardcore. I wasn't the ideal baseball kid. Like, I was caught smoking several times, I refused to go to practice, I barely went to school. And then they realized my mom was dating a professional baseball player and…."

"You, uh, you don't have to tell me," Hagakure said. He did not look at Leon.

Leon shook his head. His whole body ached, and he clutched a hand to his chest. "I want to tell you." It wasn't true, but it wasn't not true either. Holding things in was exhausting. He heaved a deep breath, combed his fingers through his hair, and continued. "Anyways, when that last bit broke, that's when every single baseball fan in Japan decided to jump down my throat. My mom's boyfriend got accused of cheating literally just because he knew me? And LL Academy couldn’t throw me out, but they threatened to retract my sports scholarship. I went from being one of the more popular guys at school to getting bullied by literally everyone. Like, the handful of friends I actually had all gave up on me, too. It was just… hell. We had to move because people found our address and kept mailing us threatening stuff."

"Shit," Hagakure said.

"I just… I was a mess. I was -- there was a bunch of shit going on with me and my family already, and then when this shit happened… it's, like, I didn't like baseball? I didn't want to play it, not at the level I was playing at. But it feels like… that choice was stolen from me, I guess. Like… baseball was my whole life, and it took everything from me, and now…."

Hagakure cocked his head to the side. "Now baseball's been taken from you, so it feels like you've got nothing left, right?"

"Yeah," Leon said, his voice rough. "Yeah, exactly."

"Jeez, that sucks ass, dude," Hagakure said, and tipped Leon's desk chair onto its back two legs, rocking it back and forth.

Unbidden, a laugh wrenched itself from Leon's throat. It sucks ass? It sucks ass! Holy shit, it all fucking sucks ass -- what a wordsmith, here. It was ass, sucked ass, sucked all the goddamn ass. Ass! Ass, ass, ass! “It does,” Leon said. He laughed again, wetly. “It’s ass, it’s all ass!”

“Yeah!” Hagakure said, a little too enthusiastically.

"My whole life -- it’s all ass, and it’s all my fault. All the shit that keeps happening, it’s happening to me for a reason. Because I’m broken. I chose to leave Osaka," Leon said. "My mom… her boyfriend… I didn't want to drag them down with me. I came here because I needed a fresh start. I need to be fixed."

"Well," Hagakure said. He shifted on the desk chair, rubbing a hand over his face. "I've had a lot of fresh starts, myself, and they're a bit overrated. I can't really see what  _ your _ future will bring -- but, like, in my experience, you gotta learn to accept your past and roll with it to figure out where you actually want to go. That’s certified clairvoyant advice, dude."

"Well, I want to go  _ home _ ," Leon said, "but I don't know where that is anymore." It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud. 

Hagakure gaped at him. "Dude," he said. "You're kind of a downer."

Leon made a rude hand gesture. "Bite me." 

He was not prepared for how hard Hagakure flushed at that.

Then they were both very quiet for probably a minute or so, which was supremely uncomfortable. 

“You want to play some video games,” Leon said. It wasn’t quite a question.

“Please.” 

So then they played video games for a couple hours. Or, rather, Leon played video games while Hagakure watched, fascinated. He found the stupid boob-clipping exactly funny at Leon did. He did voices for the NPCs’ dialogue. He sat a little too close to Leon and their legs kept brushing together. It was a great time. It was so good, actually, that they completely lost track of time, wound up hanging out way too late, and then Hagakure had to pretty much run home before nightfall. And, despite that, they still wound up lingering on the doorstep, not quite ready for things to end.

"I had fun," Hagakure said.

“Heh, it was a good time,” Leon said, and he was surprised to realize that it was true. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll have to have you over another time, dude!”

Hagakure flushed, and snatched the packet back from Leon's hands. He stumbled away from the doorstep without saying goodbye. Leon watched him speedwalk down the street, a gangly mess of flailing limbs. Urrgh, he was so, so hot. Leon didn't stand a chance.

When Hagakure had finally walked out of sight, Leon closed the door. They'd actually been hanging out for quite a while, and the light streaming through the windows was starting to take on the orange tint of sunset. Leon sat down and had a proper meal for the first time in days. The casserole tasted unfit for human consumption, but Leon ate it for dinner anyways. The sentiment was what mattered, or whatever. Also he might have died from the sodium if he’d eaten any more cup noodles. That would have been a horrible way to go out.

Two days later, Leon went back to school. It was almost disgusting how nothing had changed. He just slipped back into homeroom. Hagakure waved at him from the back row until he waved back. Maizono gave him a little smile at the start of class, and then the teacher started talking and everyone's attention was back to the front of the classroom. At the end of class, he had to stay a couple minutes longer to get the past week's assignments, delivered without fanfare. 

There were no girls batting their lashes at him. No flowers on his desk. No cousins sitting outside the changing room. He was being passed over, but not in a cruel way. It was like no one had missed him, but they were still glad to have him back. 

It didn't go any differently for the next few classes. It was strange. Leon was kind of used to being the center of everything. It was a hint of what it was like to be someone else, to not be the son that everyone wanted him to be. If he could just give up his name, that might be all that it took. He didn't have to keep living in the cages Kuwata Leon had built for himself. Whoever he was, he could be more than that. If people could forget the new kid was in a car accident, what else could they miss?

Like always, Leon joined his friends for lunch. As a group, they wandered outside, even though it had drizzled during class earlier. It was still humid, and a fine mist of raindrops clung to every surface. When Leon sat down on a bench to eat lunch, his pants got uncomfortably damp. They clung to his legs when he shifted. He couldn’t get comfortable. The girls chattered around him, Naegi sat to one side, and the scabs on Leon’s arms itched. He let everyone fade out around him. It smelled like rain.

It had smelled like this when the car had hit him.

“Leon?”

He blinked, and turned. “Yeah?”

"We really missed you," Naegi said. "We were so worried when we all heard about what happened." He pulled a cheap get-well card out of his bag, and passed it to Leon.

“Oh,” Leon said. He flipped open the card. Everyone had signed it, even Ikusaba, who was so quiet she'd never spoken directly to Leon.

Maizono nodded, delicately setting her lunch aside. “Yes, absolutely! I’m so happy you’re back at school -- Hagakure said you were doing well, but he’s…”

“Not exactly the most reliable source around,” Naegi said. His words were tinged with just the slightest hint of bitterness. 

“I like Hagakure.”

Maizono giggled. “We know,” she said. “I think it’s very sweet of you to be so nice to him. As an ESPer, I can tell that he needs it. Kidding!”

“Do you know what I’ve been thinking about?” Leon asked. He didn’t really believe that Maizono had psychic abilities, but it would be good to establish exactly how well she could read people. He was in a few classes with her, and she had the uncanny ability to always say exactly what teachers wanted to hear. The card bent slightly in his grip. Could she tell how much of a fake he was?

But, to his surprise, she slowly shook her head. “I can’t get a reading on you, at all. That’s why I was so excited to meet you on your first day. I’ve never experienced anything like it.”

“...you can’t tell what I’m thinking?”

“Not even a little. It’s like my powers just slide over you. You might as well not be here.”

_ You might as well not be here _ . Leon swallowed. “So, what, I’m a curiosity?”

“Not in a bad way! In an exciting way. You’re special, Kuwata-kun, and I want to get to know you better. I can’t wait to learn what you’re thinking!”

"Well… honestly, I've just been thinking about the accident," Leon said. "I--" the words died in his mouth. It already felt like he said too much.

"Oh my God, will you shut up about how much your stupid life sucks?!" Enoshima screamed, hopping to her feet. A few sparrows perched in a nearby bush startled, and flew up in a small cloud. "Like-- shut up, shut up, no one cares! Everything that comes out of your mouth is boring as fuck!"

Leon's jaw dropped open.

"You're boring," Enoshima snarled, her voice raw as thunder, "boring and flawless -- too fucking flawless, clumsy doesn't count as a flaw, shithead. Ooh, I was in a car accident! Waahhh, my parents don't love me! I'm Kuwata Leon and I'm popular and talented and famous and I have tons of friends who love me but no one understands that I'm so  _ sad _ , no one could possibly understand -- maybe get a life,  _ you basic bitch! _ "

"That's enough, Enoshima!" Maizono screamed, but it was too damn late.

Leon leapt up, hands curling into fists. " _ You TOLD people! _ " He couldn't stop shaking, his vision clouding over. "You -- you fucking bitch, I know you told people to look me up!"

Enoshima tossed her head back, and cackled. When she stalked towards him, it was the first legitimate reaction he'd ever seen from her. She hadn't blinked in a long, long time, and he was sure it was because she had forgotten how to. Her face was split in half with a predatory smile. Her eyes were so cold, and then gleeful, and then spiraled into something unsettling that he couldn't understand. There was something deeply, deeply wrong with Enoshima. Despite his anger, he took a step back.

"S-stop it," he snapped, and stabbed a shaky finger at her. "Stop it right now." A clammy sweat broke out across his back.

She howled with laughter, and started at him, before freezing in place, suddenly too quiet. "...no one here was interested in you anyway," she murmured, and reached up to roughly tug at her hair. "Don't be an idiot. You talk to your mom this way, huh? This why she didn't want you around?"

"Enoshima-san, please stop--"

"It was so much better when you were GONE!" Enoshima swayed, side to side, like a snake prepared to strike. "The despair of our lovely new friend in the hospital, not answering any of our calls… oh, that was delicious!"

Leon grabbed the get-well card from where it had fallen into the mud and ripped it in half. He dropped it, and let it flutter back down. The cheap paper was nearly soaked through with mud, but it wasn't enough. 

"Leon--"

" _ FUCK YOU! _ " He turned on his heel, and stomped back into the school. He tossed his shoes back into his locker, letting them thump loudly against the back. A few preppy girls stared at Leon. He put his middle finger up at them, and walked off to his next class.

For the rest of the school day, his mood was completely rotten. Cars kept speeding through his mind. He wondered what it would be like to get crushed under their wheels, to get dragged behind them. How many car accidents were deadly? Maybe his so-called friends would have actually cared if he’d died. Maybe the media would change its tune -- a prodigy lost to suicide, too young, too soon. He scribbled in the margins of his notes, brutal sketches of guts dragged across the streets, until the urge passed.

By the time he walked into biology, the last class of the day, he’d managed to calm down some. Gross art of bad shit was useful like that. Sure, he was still kinda upset, but at least he didn’t feel like he’d explode if someone tried to talk to him. And at least here, he was partnered with Hagakure, who hadn’t brutally disappointed him like everyone else Leon knew. He liked Hagakure. Leon slipped into the spot at their workbench, right next to him.

The worksheets Hagakure held in his hands were still completely blank. He hadn't even signed their names. Leon’s heart stopped. Everything went cold.  "He's going to fail us.”

Hagakure shrugged. "You were injured, I've got accommodations, we're pretty much guaranteed an extension, dude."

"...and I missed a week of  _ every class _ , do you know how much I'm catching up on?!"

"Oh," Hagakure said, like he hadn't even thought of that, which he clearly hadn't, because he was a stupid,  _ unreliable _ idiot. "Shit."

"You-- give me that." Leon snatched the papers from Hagakure's hands and began rifling through them. Holy shit, this packet had to cover at least two chapters of the textbook. He paused on a poorly photocopied picture of the mitochondria, the powerhouse of the cell, and let his eyes drift down to the essay question below -- _What is unique about mtDNA? Why is it important within anthropology?_ _What percentage of your grade is this packet worth?_

Okay, maybe it didn't actually say that last one in writing, but it was the only question that Leon actually cared about at the moment. 

"My parents -- jeez, they're gonna eat me alive." Leon dropped his head into his hands, and combed his fingers through his hair. They'd never really cared about his grades before the sign-stealing, when they'd all just assumed that he'd go straight to the pro leagues. Now that that… wasn't going to happen, they'd started to care. His mom had been furious enough when he'd had to take remedial English classes over winter break. If he tanked his grades badly enough, who's to say she wouldn't demand he go back home?

“We--”

"Don't," Leon said, through gritted teeth. "Don't talk to me."

Hagakure shrunk in on himself, sinking down on his stool, which looked utterly ridiculous. Hagakure was just too tall and large to effectively make himself look small, but he was doing a damn good job of trying to. And he was attractive and handsome enough that the whole hurt performance tugged at Leon’s heartstrings, even though he didn’t want it too. Still, for the first time at Hope’s Peak Academy, Leon ignored his crush and took some actual notes. Maybe he’d be able to salvage the project on his own?

Leon left school with his heart beating out of his chest. He couldn't take it anymore. He hated everything. He hated and hated and hated, because it -- fuck, why couldn't things ever just go well for him? He stared down at his shoes as he walked. There was dry mud from the accident cracking down their sides. He didn’t want to walk home. He didn’t want to call his dad to pick him up -- they still weren’t really speaking. He didn’t want to stay at school, when Maizono and her group would be practicing for their idol club. He was stuck, so he just sat on the steps of the school, watching the other students walk away, and wishing he were strong enough for that. No one gave him a second glance. No one offered to help.

Hagakure was one of the last to leave that day. He stopped, at the bottom of the stair, and turned around, to look back at Leon. "Hey," Hagakure said. His golden eyes were blown wide, like he’d been crying. "I'm… I’m sorry, dude."

"Sorry doesn't cut it," Leon said, sharp and nasally and nasty. He rose to his feet. His position on the stairs let him stand at nearly Hagakure’s eye level.

Hagakure sighed. "Look, I-- can I at least walk you home?"

Leon glared.

"Look, dude, I just -- do you really want to walk home alone right now?"

Leon continued glaring, but shook his head.

It was a short walk home. Despite everything, it still felt safer with Hagakure at his side, between him and the road. Once, Hagakure twitched his hand towards Leon’s, like he wanted to hold it in his, but he quickly dropped it back down. Leon tried not to get too excited about that. For one, it was probably an accident -- Hagakure didn’t seem to have particularly refined motor control -- and besides, he was still mad at Hagakure. Regardless, his heart beat faster.

They arrived at Leon’s house first -- Hagakure must have lived further from the school. Hagakure waited at the side of the road while Leon fumbled with his house keys. His golden eyes were locked onto Leon’s hands. "Leon?"  


"Yeah?"

"Were we friends?" Hagakure asked. He sounded young and fragile.

Were they friends? He thought of Maizono and Naegi. He thought of Enoshima, and his stomach turned. Some fucking friends that lot had turned out to be. "Yeah," Leon said. "We're -- we can be friends."

"Oh!" Hagakure smiled at him. His eyes crinkled around the edges in a way Leon hadn't seen in a long time. "Y-yeah! We're friends!" And, despite himself, Leon smiled back. For the first time that day, he felt warm. Friends. Friends in Kiiwatestu. Huh.

He walked into the house and that warmth dissolved.

"Rui, look, we need to figure this out," his dad spat into the telephone receiver. "I know-- yes, Leon's been doing a lot better now, but I'm worried the accident set him off again. Rui, we were lucky, he could have died. Yes, I-- can you listen for one minute?"

On the other end of the line, his mother screeched something out so loudly that Leon instinctively flinched together.

"You know, it would be really helpful of you if you could bother letting me know if there's any signs I should look out for in particular," his dad said. "He's  _ our son _ and I'd appreciate it if you'd bother to help out with -- god, don't speak to me like that, woman! Shut up! You know, shit like this is why I fucking left you in the first place!"

Within moments, that fucking frozen numbness spread through Leon again. It trickled out from the back of his head, down through to the tips of his fingers. Silently, he walked to his bedroom, and sat down on the floor, and looked up at his desk, towering above him. He looked down at himself.

Leon didn't want to die. Things were going to get better. He was desperate to live. But he didn't know how much longer he could live like this.


End file.
